Elle boit pas, elle fume pas, elle drague pas, mais... elle cause! (1970)
Directed by Michel Audiard

Film Review

Of the nine films which Michel Audiard directed, the one that had most success at the French box office was Elle boit pas, elle fume pas, elle drague pas, mais... elle cause! (1970), a title which is almost as vertiginous as its plot.  Audiard's own directorial efforts are generally less appealing than the films which he scripted and which were directed by others - for example, the classics Un taxi pour Tobrouk (1960), Les Tontons flingueurs (1963) and Le Pacha (1968).  In his day, Audiard was one of the most sought-after writers of dialogue in mainstream French cinema and today he is still virtually a household name in France (and not just because he is the father of the acclaimed director Jacques Audiard).

Elle boit pas... is certainly one of Michel Audiard's better films, a vibrant thriller-farce which is made all the more enjoyable for its dream cast line-up of Annie Girardot, Bernard Blier and Mireille Darc.  If Audiard's skill as a director is questionable, his talent as a writer (particularly of comedies) is indisputable, as this film demonstrates.  Not only does this film have an utterly bonkers plot (revolving around three people who, connected only by their cleaning lady, endlessly extort money from each other), but it is also filled with some of Audiard's best gags. 

The characters are typical off-the-wall Audiard creations: a priest who enjoys exhibiting himself as a singing dragonfly, a TV presenter who responds with a saintly nonchalance as her guests reveal the most appalling things about themselves, and an over-sexed banker who cannot help mentally erasing all of a woman's clothes when he looks at her.  This film is perhaps a little too daft for its own good, but it is great fun and the humour is unflagging.  Mireille Darc's car (effectively a greenhouse on wheels) is the coolest thing you will ever see on a public highway - can't think why it didn't catch on.

Film Synopsis

Through her work as a housecleaner, Germaine finds out things about her employers which, if widely known, would provoke a scandal.  Francine, for instance, is a popular TV presenter whose fiancé's political career would be ruined if it were revealed that she was once a teenage prostitute.  Likewise, Phalempin would lose his job as the head of a Catholic orphanage if his bishop ever learned that he has a penchant for dressing up as a dragonfly.  Lhiétard, a bank employee, would be sure to lose his job if it were discovered that he stole money from his bank to pay for the services of a prostitute.  Of course Germaine can be trusted to keep a secret - or can she?   When his boss threatens to expose him as a crook unless he returns the stolen money, Lhiétard shoots him dead and buries his body in the back garden.  He then threatens to expose Francine unless she pays him money which he can return to the bank.  Taking a hint from Germaine, Francine blackmails Phalempin into handing over his orphans' holiday fund.  Phalempin is devastated until Germaine suggests that he drop a few hints to Lhiétard about his gardening habits.  Lhiétard now has no option but to hand over his hush money to Phalempin, before going back to Francine to extort some more money.  And so the cycle continues.  It may well have gone on forever had it not been for Lhiétard's decision to kill his blackmailer.  The only person to emerge happily from this sad story is Germaine, who finally gets to live the life she has always dreamed of, as a Riviera princess...